Prenatal Depression

“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”

- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
(Source: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2933712-alice-s-adventures-in-wonderland)

My Own Experience

Please note that this article relates to my own experiences and should not be considered medical advice.

I can still remember how lost and alone I felt during the first few months after I found out I was pregnant. For me, these months were some of the worst during my pregnancy because I had no idea what was wrong with me and what was going on, or what would happen next.

Information about Prenatal Depression

I'd never heard of Prenatal Depression and I desperately searched the internet for some information or advice about what I was feeling. I didn't think I was depressed, but I knew I was stressed. Looking back, there were plenty of signs I was showing that I was suffering from Prenatal Depression, but I just didn't know it even existed.

So for anyone reading this looking for information about why they might all of a sudden be feeling pretty damn low during your pregnancy, please visit the PANDAS (Pre And Postnatal Depression Advice and Support) help and information page on Prenatal Depression, which can be found here - https://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/help-and-information/pre-ante-and-postnatal-illnesses/pre-antenatal-depression.html#.UfjId6wauCk.

According to PANDAs, "It is only within the last twenty years that prenatal (antenatal) depression has been associated with pregnancy. Prior to this, postnatal depression was the only ‘depression’ linked to pregnancy. Women who seek help for prenatal (antenatal) depression are often told it’s ‘just your hormones’. This offers very little help to the sufferer. Sufferers have often described prenatal (antenatal) depression as, rather than being a joyful happy time full of excitement, it turns into a nine month tunnel of doom, anxiety and despair." Dr Vivette Glover, Director of the fetal and neonatal stress and research centre, states that "At any one time during pregnancy one in every ten women will be depressed and around one in every thirty will be depressed in pregnancy and the postnatal period."

In my own personal experience, I stopped having enthusiasm for everything and anything. I stopped wanting to eat, I'd cry a few times a day, I would stare into space aimlessly for hours, and I couldn't see any good things in the future for me. I was also extremely tired, and scared. I think it's really tricky to recognise these as symptoms of a type of depression when pregnancy can give you food aversions, make you feel extremely tired, and hormonal at times. It's a huge life change, having a baby, but for me personally I think it was the fear of the unknown that did it. I felt my identity as a person was going to disappear by becoming a mum - when in fact, it's become more solidified, and on top of them, I'm just a mum too, not instead.

Read about other people's experiences

I was so desperate to know that I wasn't the only one who had ever felt this way when they found out they were having a baby. I constantly compared myself with what I thought other people had gone, or were going, through, and assumed that they coped really well and were always happy about having a baby. Let me just smash that false belief out of the window now. Every single mother-, and father-, to-be have different experiences. Some will have a really hard time and never tell anyone, some might tell a few people but not all, and some are going to have a great time and that's just great for them. Mostly, we want to look good in front of other people and not tell people how hard and tricky things have been for us - which sadly means that lots of us suffer in silence thinking that we are the only ones who have it bad, and it must mean we are weak and don't deserve to be parents.

I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to read about other people's experiences of Prenatal Depression - and Postnatal Depression for that matter, though it tends to be more talked about anyway than Prenatal Depression. With the use of the internet, lots of people can share their experiences - and remember anonymous if they wish - and be totally honest about it. Read other people's blogs, visit forums, search the internet for anything and everything that might help you understand what you are going through and not feel so alone. You really are not alone. Even the strongest women out there suffer from the cruelty that is Prenatal Depression, and it really does not make you a weak, or bad, person. In fact, by getting help and looking for advice, you are showing how strong you really are because you are facing it head on rather than buring your head in the sand.

Talk about how you are feeling

I found it really hard to talk about my feelings and my experiences as they happened, it's so much easier to reflect back when you don't have that emotional attachment hanging over you. But I swear blind that what really helped me get through some tough times, and helped my partner and closest friends and family understand what I was going through, was talking about how I was feeling when things got bad. OK, it can be hard to articulate how you are feeling and what exactly is going through your head, but the more you try and do this the closer you are going to get to taking back control of this.

This won't last forever, trust me

I didn't know anyone during my Prenatal Depression who had suffered, or was suffering, from the same illness as me. I felt so alone and really thought I would always feel this way forever. But trust me on this one, you will not always feel this way, and don't listen to anyone who says that just because you have suffered from Prenatal Depression means that you are probably going to suffer from Postnatal Depression - it just isn't true. I've read some statistics that they about half of women who have suffered from depression during pregnancy will go on to develop Postnatal Depression, but that doesn't mean you are going to fall into that half, does it? No, it doesn't. Be ready and prepared just in case, but don't waste time worrying that it is already decided. Because it isn't. And shame on anyone who says matter-of-factly "Oh yeah, you will probably suffer from Postnatal Depression too now". They really must have no idea what they are talking about to be so blasé about something painful.

I'm not saying this will be the same for everyone, but my experience of depression during pregnancy and then again after my daughter was born were completely 100% different. In fact, for me it was like one ended and then weeks later the next arrived. And those couple of weeks in between were absolutely wonderful, let me tell you. And now I look back, I can see why I started suffering from Postnatal Depression too, and it was not a sure thing, just a catalogue of unfortunate events.

Please visit the 'Useful Links' page for websites relating to Prenatal Depression.